You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
