Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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