i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
