Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize