Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
