just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
