I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
