My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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