Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
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He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
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What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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