hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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