I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
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I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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