Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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