And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
