I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
