I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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