he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
