So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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