Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
