This is not my ceiling
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
