One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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