why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
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Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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