The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
