Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
