I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Remember the time you cried about coconuts