i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?