And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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