Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
