you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
