We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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