I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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