I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
