dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
