he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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