Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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