he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
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i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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