dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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