I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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