Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
