He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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