I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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