i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
