Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
