Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
