check it out our google latitudes are spooning
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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