just come out here and I will go home with you...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
