I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
