IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
