i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
