Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
