even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Pooping to opera.
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