You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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