whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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