I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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