im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He did a backflip because drugs
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
