RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
