This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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