Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
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Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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