Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
