I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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