I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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