keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
