Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
