i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
