my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
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you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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