I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
