Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
