dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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