ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Randomize
