I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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