i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
